I Love You and You Love Me Back?

During our time on this Earth we all experience love and in turn we experience loss. When I  think of my life I can think back to being a teenager and being in what I thought was love and when that ended I was crushed and thought to myself I will never love again... Unitl ... I did... it makes me wonder today is that the plan anyway??? Are we supposed to fall in love and then lose that love only to realize that our greatest love has not come yet? Or maybe it came and we let it pass by.

Recently I was asking myself some hard questions and I thought of someone that loved me very much and at the time I was in a situation that did not allow me to return that love....no let me correct myself I was in a place where I was worried about what everyone would say if they found out that I loved that person and wanted to be with them. In not confessing my love, I hurt that person and I truly think of who they are today and can not help but think that it is partly my fault that they are so guarded and unwilling to share their heart. In the mean time I have found love again, but often think of this person. So I reached out to them only to be greeted with a cold reception. I did not let that deter me from expressing my feelings to this person, telling them at the time I was not strong enough to deal with what would hve come from expressing my love to them at the time. I was called a coward, (head low) and it hurt, they told me how we could hve faced the world together and the nay sayers would see that love could overcome anything. I felt so ashamed, they still held the same hurt in their heart. I think the part that got me most was when I said I still love you and will always care for you..and they responded I never stopped loving you....and I forgive you....That forgiveness was something that I wanted to hear for years. I found myself thinking could I be with this person today the person  that Iam now...and I realized that I could not.. I do not think that I would ever truly believe that I was forgiven and that they would ever really love me like they did...So what is one to do... I stay on my side of the world and they stay on theirs...when we do see each other we barely have eye contact and we exchange kind words about family and life, but I know that I lost a good friend that day long ago when I walked away in fear.....I further realize that when I walked away from that person, not only did I hurt them I really hurt myself too....I shut a part of myself away in fear...

We live and learn......

Love & Light
Jamillah~

Unit 10

Good Evening Everyone

As I looked at this question I thought I had a deja-vu moment. I asked myself didn't I just do this..lol
Well yes I did...In the last unit I addressed my growth and goals. In unit 3 I assessed myself as  Physical 7, Spiritual 8 and Psychological 5.
As of today I assess myself  physical still 7 spiritual between 8 and 9 and psychological 6 ... The weeks have gone by quickly and I can see small improvements, but it took me all my life to be as screwed up as I was and you can't undo that over night (laughing)
As for my goals I have moved closer towards them I am eating more and trying to sleep more. I am taking time to myself to clear my mind and work on me.
I have implemented the exercises into my daily plan and I have also just tried to sit and reflect on my day more. Journaling was not part of my orignal plan, but I realized it helped to clear my mind.
My personal experience through out this course has been amazing. I have learned more about myself and those around me by implementing more love and kindness. I already was doing it but not with such a focus. So with the loving kindness exercise we used in this course it gave my energy direction and I can feel the difference. Sometimes after doing the love and kindness exercise, a feeling of confidence overcomes me as I know that I was able to focus and send loving energy not only to others but to myself. In previous practice I usually am so focused on others I forget myself.  It has been rewarding to have meet others with like minds and goals. It has been frustrating trying to slow down life so I can enjoy the things that I love the most. This class has given me tools to help myself and others. It reaffirmed that life is to be lived and suffering is perspective and that while I can not control what happens in my life I can control how I respond.

Love & Light
Jamillah

Final Project

Jamillah El Bey HW420 Final Project
*Introduction:
Why is it important for health and wellness professionals to develop psychologically, spiritually and physically? What areas do you need to develop to achieve the goals you have for yourself?

Developing ourselves psychologically, spiritually and physcially is something that benefits us directly and helps us in every aspect of our lives. As health practitioners it is our duty to be the best we can be inorder to give the best to our clients. I know that growth never ends as long as we are alive, so I will always be working on me. To achieve the goals I have for myself I need to further in all three of these areas. to get my professional body builder card, I need to monitor my my nutritional intake, get in the gym more often and work out more intensely. To be better equiped for life I need to continue working on my spiritual growth and psychological growth. Living a truly happy life takes hard work work that only we can do ourselves, it will make us better people and better practitioners.

*Assessment:
How have you assessed your health in each domain? How do you score your wellness spiritually, physically, and psychologically?

When I first did my assessment, I scored myself Physical 7, Spiritual 8 and Psychological 5..It has only been a few weeks I feel like my physical has stayed the same as I am still struggling with eating enough and sleeping enough. My spiritual is steady at 8 maybe even 9, I am continuing to spread love in every way I can and love myself more as well. Love is the key to living a full life and if I were to die today I feel confident that I have done my best to love all of creation. The psychological area of my life I feel has grown to about a 6, I have worked more on being in the moment and not allowing the hurt and pain of my past and even present things to trap me in negative feelings. I am learning everyday to accept myself and life. By not worrying about the things I have no control over, I am able to stress a little less. I feel this area of development can be the hardest for people as weare constantly challenged with everyday struggles and it sometimes is hard to see the bigger picture.

*Goal development:
List at least one goal you have for yourself in each area, Physical, Psychological (mental health) and Spiritual.

My Physical Goal : Get my body in the best shape ever, get my professional bodybuilding card
My Spiritual Goal: Be a reflection of the light and change I want to see in the world.
My Psychological Goal: Permanently Silence the chatter in my mind that sometimes keeps be prisioner.

*Practices for personal health:
What strategies can you implement to foster growth in each of the following domains; Physical, Psychological, and Spiritual. Provide at least two examples of exercises or practices in each domain. Explain how you will implement each example.

The strategies that I can use to foster growth in the physical aspect of my life are preparing meals ahead of time to take with me while I am out during the day and use the buddy system in the gym to constantly push my self to keep to my work out plan. In my spiritual life I can use guided meditation and continue to do my yoga daily. I have taken hot yoga in the past and that seems to make me feel better than regular yoga so I may sign up for a full program. For my psychological growth I will continue to use positive talk and affirmations. Daily silent meditations have helped to ease my mind, also taking walks and riding my bike gives me time to be alone and clear my mind.

*Commitment:
How will you assess your progress or lack of progress in the next six months? What strategies can you use to assist in maintaining your long-term practices for health and wellness?

Assessing my progress is easy in regards to my physical growth is the easiest because I can see and feel the progress or lack of progress. Growth in the psychological and spiritual can be harder to measure, however, I know that when you are spiritually and psychologically healthy, true happiness is able to take place in your mind body and soul. So I will continue to strive for true happiness by practicing loving kindness towards myself and others.

Practice Makes Perfect

Good Evening All

During our time together we have explored many helpful and interesting techniques. I have enjoyed all of them. They have allowed me to push myself and reassess what techniques I was using and if they were indeed helpful. While I enjoyed all the practices; my favorite two were the Meeting Aesclepius and the Loving Kindness. I found that these two practices worked best for my sometimes very restless mind. Loving Kindness allowed me to accept that I have to send loving energy to myself and to others. It was not that I do not do this, but in the course of life sometimes we focus on others so much that we forget it is our duty to heal thy self.

The Meeting Aesclepius exercise is wonderful and worked well for me (once I got the house to myself). But this practice invited my busy mind to create and heal at the same time. In focusing to create and see what it was I was asked to I was able to turn off the chatter in my mind and give all my attention to my practice.

I would recommend both of these practices. I would especially offer the Loving Kindness meditation to my domestic violence clients. I think this exercise could help them to work through some of the immediate and unresolved issues in their lives and allow them to be empowered. The Meeting Aesclepius exercise I would offer to those clients that like me have a hard time just “going blank”… for meditative purposes.

Love & Light

Jamillah

Meeting Asciepius...well trying to....

Good Evening All

I have always had a good imagination, sometimes I think too good ..lol.. But during this practice in attempting to reach my subtle i was so distracted that the image kep sliping away from me. I know that I can have more success with this meditation if the house was not so busy. I will attept it again when there is no one home. I do not know about anyone else but I have found over the years since I have started my inner work.. all of my senses are heightened.... I can hear like you can't believe and when my eyes are closed I can hear even better... my other senses are heightened too but wow... trying to meditate in the house with two teenagers while they play guitar hero and listening to heavy metal...yeah a bit hard...lol...

Even though I will have to try this practice again I can answer the other questions...
The saying "One cannot lead another where one has not gone himself" basically means that by not experiencing the thing that we are trying to share is almost impossible because we do not know where we are trying to take the person to...or have them experiencee.. Experience is the BEST teacher and without knowledge of what we are trying to share we are doing a diservice to ourselves and our client.  I believe we do have an obligation to our clients to continue to always work on ourselves... this is a process and a life long one at that...

My growth in every area of my life allows me to provide the best me to my client and they deserve that. Also as I grow I am afforded the beauty of wisdom and discernment and wtith these tools , I become who I came to this mudball to be...In my personal life it allows me to truly live and not just exsist!!!


Love & Light
Jamillah~

Seeing Me

The Assesment Process
I appreciate the assesment process. I have been doing a process similar to this one for years. however, honestly, my process wasn't as loving. That is why I liked this one. I grew up so harsh and dealt with my process in a harsh manner, I tore myself down and then started rebuilding. With this process I am able to accept myself where I am am and build from there. It makes sense. Like everyone else I am in a constant state of growth. I have choses to work in various aspects of self because I realize they all work together. At this time I see the most need in my psychospiritual and biological apsects of my life. While the others are in growth stages I actually realize that I have tried so hard to give of myself that I most times leave myself behind..But is that actually possible??? Can you really give to others without giving to yourself??? So my work is to steady my mind and allow my body to follow.. In staes of flux I operate daily, sometimes allowing my mind to drift to the horrors from my past that sometimes still haunt me nad hiinder my growth. so I constantly work on forgiving myself and others and realize that I do have a purpose and it is so much greater than my eyes can see. I feel pains in my body that I know are only phantoms of my pain from the past, so I must allow my mind to search those shadows and heal....I am using my yoga and meditation practices daily to grow and heal in these areas of my life. I sometimes find it difficult to find time to practice my yoga and meditation because right now my financial situation is so dire. I have been out of work since October and I have never been without steady work since I was 14 and I just turned ummmmmmmmm 40 something..on the second of Feb...(lol) So thins is very hard for me and I sometimes let the negative thoughts creep in and make me feel like I am not being productive....But I know that this life is illusion and some of the design is to make you think that if you are not making dollars and cents you are not doing your job.. But I go inside and remind myself that I did not come to earth to be a doctor lawyer etc...I came to grow.. and I take that and go to my happy space and work on healing myself and loving me and all my experiences...
Thank you for reading....
Jamillah~

Unit 5 Project : Mental Fitness

https://docs.google.com/present/edit?id=0AU3rgUmnktSHZGRkZzhzc2RfMDZyNTNjMmd3&hl=en

Subtle Mind

The subtle mind practice is different from the loving kindness practice; there is less talk and simple focus . I think that the subtle mind would be better for those that find it hard to focus as the focus point in this practice is the breath. I found this practice to be calming and easy to do. Because of my yoga practice I could relate to this practice and found it beneficial. Physical and mental work hand in hand, in this particular exercise I feel the benefits right away. The slowing and calming of the breath helps to center the body and still the mind. Being able to slow our breathing can assist in lowering blood pressure and calm hyperactivity of the heart and mind. I would recommend this practice. It is simple enough to implement daily and effective immediately.

Loving Kindness

I enjoyed this exercise. I find it amazing that it is so easy to focus love onto someone else and so hard to focus it onto our selves. This exercise made me realize that I am still growing, it is not that I did not know this but while I was laying there, I starting thinking of loving myself and then some of the negative thoughts started to creep in...ugh, my little ideas of what should look like this and what should feel like that. But then I realized I was doing it and stopped. It was nice to just feel my body and whatever it was feeling and just accept it in love. I really needed that. When I travel sometimes my ankles swell pretty bad...so I was feeling  a bit aggravated about it and in a way not loving myself and accepting that maybe I should not be sitting with my legs hanging down , maybe this was a sign that my body wanted to lay down...When doing this exercise I apologized to my body and said "I am sorry for not listening to what you wanted..."

Overall I did find this exercise beneficial, it was not difficult and I would recommend it to others. I find that instantly I was able to utilize what the exercise was offering. I do think that for someone with a busy mind/ one that wanders ..the time in between commands will be too long...

I will be using this exercise again...

Jamillah~

I See Color

I enjoyed this exercise. I have worked with the chakras before in my yoga, reiki and meditation practices so it was easy for me to visualize the chakras. I did find myself thinking of what I already knew about chakras and how they are linked to the organs of the body and then I found myself over thinking about moving energy through my body.

It made me think that some exercises are better if you have no knowledge of the material being covered. That way you are able to focus only on what the person leading is saying and not your own chatter...

I will try this one again....when my mind is not so busy. I think it would be a good ending piece for a longer meditation sitting session so my mind would be open and relaxed and able to follow and flow...

Love & Light

Jamillah

Reflections...Unit 3

Good Evening All,

Because of my health journey when asked to evaluate my well being I automatically think of my spiritual and emotional well being and then think of health. At one time it was much different. I based everything on whether I was reaching my fitness (physical) goals. But I do understand that one without the other can be very counter productive and very frustrating. I would rate myself at this time Physical 7, Spiritual 8, psychological 5. My rating of 7 for physical is because I have been working very hard on improving my eating habits and getting more rest. My biggest issue is that I was not eating enough. I was eating one meal a day and sleeeping about 2-4 hours and that was on a good night. I have been suffering with insomnia. My insomina plays right into my psychological well being as I have been under a lot of stress and with my mothers passing have been finding myself feeling a bit depressed. I KNOW better but still I am struggling with focus and using my postive talk verses looking at things with a grim outlook. As for my spiritual health honestly I think this is where I am doing the best. I say this because I know if it were not for my spiritual practices I would become completely unglued.
My goals I have set in place for improvement are eating 3 meals per day and getting at least 6 hours sleep , no this is not the required 8 hours but I do not want to set myself up for failure so I will start there and work my way up to healthier sleep habits. Psychologically, I will do more of my postive talk and I even recorded some positive things on my tape recorder to listen to.. the journey on exercise gave me that idea. Spiritually, I will continue to live in love and share it as much as I can. I am also reading more text that will help with my spiritual development. One thing I did notice about myself is that sometimes I felt alone in these studies and desired to share with others and this class and blog is allowing me to do that. Thank you Professor and Classmates, you have given me someone to share with. Often it is difficult to talk to those not on any path they look at you like you are "new age" I often tell them this is why we are on this mudball to grow and that there is nothing new under the sun...so no this is not new....

The activities that I have been using is yoga and sitting meditation. I would like to journal more and also I picked up my guitar for the first time on months. I can't play a lick but I like the feeling I get from the sounds..lol
I am going to do the "Crime of the Century" exercise tonight. I just spent 16 hours on greyhound so I can surely use something to help me relax...I will comment as soon as I am finished.

Again thank you for letting me share my world with you. I look forward to sharing your world as well...

Jamillah~

It's Been A Hard Day

Blessings All

Woooooooooooo saaaaaaaaaaaaaaa...... Okay so today was completely overcast and I was feeling a bit down. Today is the day I lost my mom and it still hurts. You know, I have come so far in my life and have gained so much understanding and I know that my mother is "not dead".. only her physical form is no longer here but I swear that I loved that physical form I loved the soul that was in it. She and I had a very special relationship and I miss her so very much.... It seems like no matter how much you learn you still can not wrap your mind around your loved ones not being with you. I remember when I lost my grandmother, I truly thought I was going to lose my mind and not be able to make it. But I did... Then I lost my son and I thought I was going to die, but I did not and I am still here and then I lost my mother, brother and aunt all in the span of 6 months and I was numb... But it was my practice...that go me through.. I studied hard and practiced my yoga and even started weight lifting (just a little) and I am still here..

This is my truth and I know that the mind is a powerful thing and when we focus we can get through anything...

In Truth,
Jamillah~

Great Sitting

Good Evening All,

I had a long weekend. My Steelers have showed that "they can do the dang thing".. (yeah love football) and my rival team the Patriots showed that yes even at the razor they can get it... (laughing really hard)

Okay so I wantd to tell you about my expeience with the journey on exercise... I said last time that I was going to use this track instead of my regular guided meditation cd. So my problem intially was where my computer was I do not have enough space for my yoga practice and since I was going to use it at the begining and end of my practice I needed to be able to start and stop it without a lot of moving around. So I needed my son to show me how to get the track from the link and put it on a cd and then I could put it in the cd and use it at will. I must say that the voice was very relaxing and that I would use it again. It did differ from the cd I usually use because the melodic tone of his voice was much different than the chimes and bamboo flutes that are used on my cd. I think that this is a positive attestment to the validity of guided meditation, following the sound of the voice. I have always been a person  that loves to hear someone read, it has always relaxed me. I think that the next level of my "self discovery experience" I am going to record my own voice . I have read before about this but that was years ago so I am going to look for those articles and try that approach. I am sure that if the mind and body responds to someone elses voice and words of positivity, it would surely respond to your own voice...

Overall, my sitting meditation was great using the journey on exercise...

Looking Forward to Growing
Jamillah~

Reflection

Blessings All

I really enjoyed the "Journey On" exercise it was relaxing. Often in my yoga practice I use guided mediation. I found that using guided meditaion it gives my over-worked and constantly clicking mind something to focus on so I can prepare for practice. When I use guided meditation I find that I can get into to my practice and out of my head long enough to embrace the silence that fosters healing. Often times when I would not use guided meditaion I would find myself thinking anout grocery list, the kids, the laundry, work and oh yeah my favorite" getting this over with" so I can get back to the madness that is my life some days. But it was the realization that I was not truly getting the purpose of why I was practicing yoga and meditation, that made me stop and take note of how crazy I was...Wasn't it Einstien who said " insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results"...Well I was looking to relax but making a mad dash back to the madness so how did I expect a change to take place?

So I sat down and asked myself  "what am I trying to do with this practice"? My answer was to heal the disconnect between my mind and body and heal on a level that I had never known but heard of. So I approched the practice with new eyes and new intentions and it was the greatest feeling ever. I am on a great journey and meditation is a large part of what will help me find what I have been looking for.
I plan to use the Journey On  exercise in the morning instead of my regular cd and see if there is difference.

I will let  you all know what happens ;)

We Are One
Jamillah~

Welcome

Welcome All

This is my blog space. I named this space "Getting To Zen". Zen is defined as "meditative absorption in which all dualistic distinctions are eliminated"..in Zen Buddhism they teach Zazen which is a sitting meditation and it is said that this meditative practice is the direct way to awakening.

For 20 years I have been on a quest to find "truth" whatever that is..My quest really started several years before that. When I was a teenager I left the church. I remember it like it was yesterday, I was in bible study and started asking questions, quickly I was dismissed. That night I went home and asked my mother why I was not answered and she said to me that she could not answer that so she would ask the deacon that dismissed my questions. So that next Sunday, she pulled him aside and said my daughter had questions about the lessons at bible study and he looked me square in the face and said "some things can not be answered you just have to believe" I was crushed...

Anyone, that knows me knows that is the wrong answer.. (lol) I need answers... I am known in my family as the one always seeking. As my mom would say the noisy one...(lol)  I am thankful for that deacon and since that time I have studied many things it lead me eventually to get a degree in comparative religion.

I love learning! And in my opinion, there is nothing greater to study than "humans" They are complex and ever evolving creatures and I feel so much joy in getting to know what  makes them tick...

This course for me is a great gift, it is another opportunity to learn about my fellow man and the greatest gift is that I get to learn more about myself everyday.

Thank you for sharing with me and I look forward to sharing with you all..........


We Are One~
Jamillah~