I Love You and You Love Me Back?

During our time on this Earth we all experience love and in turn we experience loss. When I  think of my life I can think back to being a teenager and being in what I thought was love and when that ended I was crushed and thought to myself I will never love again... Unitl ... I did... it makes me wonder today is that the plan anyway??? Are we supposed to fall in love and then lose that love only to realize that our greatest love has not come yet? Or maybe it came and we let it pass by.

Recently I was asking myself some hard questions and I thought of someone that loved me very much and at the time I was in a situation that did not allow me to return that love....no let me correct myself I was in a place where I was worried about what everyone would say if they found out that I loved that person and wanted to be with them. In not confessing my love, I hurt that person and I truly think of who they are today and can not help but think that it is partly my fault that they are so guarded and unwilling to share their heart. In the mean time I have found love again, but often think of this person. So I reached out to them only to be greeted with a cold reception. I did not let that deter me from expressing my feelings to this person, telling them at the time I was not strong enough to deal with what would hve come from expressing my love to them at the time. I was called a coward, (head low) and it hurt, they told me how we could hve faced the world together and the nay sayers would see that love could overcome anything. I felt so ashamed, they still held the same hurt in their heart. I think the part that got me most was when I said I still love you and will always care for you..and they responded I never stopped loving you....and I forgive you....That forgiveness was something that I wanted to hear for years. I found myself thinking could I be with this person today the person  that Iam now...and I realized that I could not.. I do not think that I would ever truly believe that I was forgiven and that they would ever really love me like they did...So what is one to do... I stay on my side of the world and they stay on theirs...when we do see each other we barely have eye contact and we exchange kind words about family and life, but I know that I lost a good friend that day long ago when I walked away in fear.....I further realize that when I walked away from that person, not only did I hurt them I really hurt myself too....I shut a part of myself away in fear...

We live and learn......

Love & Light
Jamillah~