The Assesment Process
I appreciate the assesment process. I have been doing a process similar to this one for years. however, honestly, my process wasn't as loving. That is why I liked this one. I grew up so harsh and dealt with my process in a harsh manner, I tore myself down and then started rebuilding. With this process I am able to accept myself where I am am and build from there. It makes sense. Like everyone else I am in a constant state of growth. I have choses to work in various aspects of self because I realize they all work together. At this time I see the most need in my psychospiritual and biological apsects of my life. While the others are in growth stages I actually realize that I have tried so hard to give of myself that I most times leave myself behind..But is that actually possible??? Can you really give to others without giving to yourself??? So my work is to steady my mind and allow my body to follow.. In staes of flux I operate daily, sometimes allowing my mind to drift to the horrors from my past that sometimes still haunt me nad hiinder my growth. so I constantly work on forgiving myself and others and realize that I do have a purpose and it is so much greater than my eyes can see. I feel pains in my body that I know are only phantoms of my pain from the past, so I must allow my mind to search those shadows and heal....I am using my yoga and meditation practices daily to grow and heal in these areas of my life. I sometimes find it difficult to find time to practice my yoga and meditation because right now my financial situation is so dire. I have been out of work since October and I have never been without steady work since I was 14 and I just turned ummmmmmmmm 40 something..on the second of Feb...(lol) So thins is very hard for me and I sometimes let the negative thoughts creep in and make me feel like I am not being productive....But I know that this life is illusion and some of the design is to make you think that if you are not making dollars and cents you are not doing your job.. But I go inside and remind myself that I did not come to earth to be a doctor lawyer etc...I came to grow.. and I take that and go to my happy space and work on healing myself and loving me and all my experiences...
Thank you for reading....
Jamillah~
Hi Jamillah,
ReplyDeleteI am sorry to hear that it has been so difficult for you to "rebuild"
I really have been struggling with my Integral Assessment as well.
I have really bad feelings for some reason but do not know why.
I hope that this exercise will help me flush out the reason.
Will see!
Take care
1
Hi Jamillah - Very touching post - thank you for sharing. I just wanted to offer this thought. Forgiveness of self is probably the hardest thing to do, however, true forgiveness becomes easier as we practice loving ourselves. When those thoughts from the past creep into your mind, ask yourself if what is happening now in your life is in any way mirroring the memory that keeps presenting itself. Then ask yourself if those thoughts still serve you - that was the past - this is now.
ReplyDeleteBlessings,
Mary
Hi Jamillah,
ReplyDeleteI am glad that you have found a way to deal with those horrors of the past. Many people will tell you to just leave them in the past, but it is not easy to do. At some unknown moment they will just pop up and get you. Dealing with these issues with such things as yoga and meditation is a great way to keep them from popping up. I am finding that this is one of the areas that I need to make as a mandatory item on my daily to - do lists.
As for losing your job, I feel that better things are in store for you. In the last ten years, I have lost my job twice. In both cases, I loved what I was doing and I thought that one day I would retire from that position. As it turned out, that was not to be the case. I felt horrible, angry, and depressed in both instances. I now have a job that I would have never imagined in my life that I would ever be doing. My co-worker and I just commented on this as we were standing in front of the Eifel tower in Paris this weekend. Neither one of us would have ever dreamed that we would be there for work! What I am saying is that life goes in a constant circle. You will find another job in time. For now, just keep a positive attitude and enjoy your time off!
Carol
Thank you all for the comments on this post. I feel life coming full circle. I do hear the negative chatter sometimes and I am getting better at quieting it. As for finding it hard to rebuild, I look at is as a testimony to my strenght. I realize that I am stronger than I could ever imagine and that all the tools that I need to grow and be a better me are available and that which I seek is within my reach. Not working has been hard as I said I do not know how to NOT do, butI do know that I should be taking this time to get to know myself better and focus on finally doing what it is I am meant to do. I know that pursuing this degree plays a part in that, not so much the degree itself but the process, the classes, the people (professors and classmates alike)...Learning how to slow down is another lesson that I am working on I realized years ago that I was walking around uptight and didn't really know how to relax and I have that opportunity now and I need to take advantage of it. I love crafting and I have not done any real crafting since I lost my mom, at one time I made a nice supplemental income doing my crafts, maybe this time off I should be doing some of that if not for sale just for the relaxation of it all...
ReplyDeleteAgain thank you for being a part of my life and process...
Jamillah~
Hello Jamilah. I enjoyed reading your post. You have been through some treacherous times. It sounds like every day with the help of meditation and yoga you are putting your past behind you. You bring up a great statement. We are all here to serve a purpose and sometimes the purpose is greater than our eyes can see. I am glad you are working diligently to change your demeanor and are in good spirits.
ReplyDeleteMy husband was laid off last year in August as a mortgage processor. He became depressed when he could not find employment. He always wanted to be in the medical field. Therefore, we talked about him attending school full time and being a house husband. He is really great. He helps with everything in the household including helping my mother with anything she needs as well. He will be done in August and will be working doing something he loves.
Don't you agree that as we get older, we realize what our true love is for a profession? When I was in my early 20's I started to pursue an Associates in Business. I am sooo glad I changed my mind. Now I know that my calling is to be an attorney either in immigration or corporate law. Good luch in your goals and good things will come to you Jamilah.